billierain replied to your post: thank you for the hugs billie hugs to you too I…
It seems pretty obvious to the dog that I’m not a commanding person. I let him off the porch to go pee, and he promply treated my calls for him to come back afterwards like IDK, like bird song or something. But as soon as my mother woke up to go after him, he came to her. Dog even licked my feet when she said to appologize.
Sargent Pepper is cute, but Not exactly self esteem building for me.
I have a lot of font feels on a normal day, but I am currently experiencing intense feelings about the fonts in ASAN’s “Why You Shouldn’t Support Autism Speaks” flyer.
I have several months worth of trips videos for Stimming in public, but I haven’t put the clips into videos because the whole finding the right songs feels like a gargantuan task.
No, I do NOT want classical music, thank you for the suggestion.
(If you missed the first Stimming in Public video, it’s on Youtube and I did post about it when it came out.)
Discovering that one of the goals they have set for her is one I haven’t met.
It’s a motor goal, and it has to do with how she walks down the stairs. I’m overly cautious as well, but yeah. They want her to take each step one step at a time, where both feet won’t ever be on the same step until she gets to the bottom. That, um, is not something even I do.
Anyhow.
Also, anyone have any information on apraxia? Because the speech therapist thinks that she’s apraxic, but I don’t know what that really means and how to proceed here. They’re talking about getting her an AAC device, and have upgraded her from “nonverbal” to “limited verbal” for educational purposes.
And she’s exceeded all of their goals and is actually on the equivalent of a late 1st grade level academically (she’s in kindergarten). They all seemed sooooo amazed at that. I wasn’t. I knew they were giving her far less credit than they should have. *Cue me giving them a metaphorical middle finger*
So that’s how that went.
I just take the stairs slowly any more- I pushed myself to do it the other way, and sometimes I still do, but I have to use the railing. If I do them two feet on the step whenever I feel I need it, It results in fewer falls and fewer dropping things.
Apraxia is … not uncommon from the other Autistics I’ve talked to? It just is a sort of motor planning issue. It’s when you want to do something, but you can’t always make your body act upon that desire. I get occasional episodes, though I can’t always tell the difference between them and cataplexic episodes unless the cataplexy kicks in mid action. I know it took me an hour to go to bed the other night even though I was exhausted because I couldn’t get my body to do the standing up to walk upstairs thing. other actions, yes. But the motor planning for standing up was not happening. But for me it’s not a consistent experience, and so might not happen when in a treatment setting. (and was called willful disobedience or even laziness in educational settings due to inconsistent experience.)
If it’s a speech therapist saying it, it means that she has issues with the motor planning involved in forming speech. AAC device sounds like it would be awesome for her.
Part of it is because I told myself that I’d put off involvement in tumblr for a while because I just don’t have time because of homelessness and stuff.
Now I’m puzzled as to how I’m ever going to get back into it later on. I mean, I read faster than my stepfather but I don’t read as fast as everyone seems to think, not if I want to intake any of it.
Maybe I should at least start cross posting things to tumblr again… hm…
I have finally signed papers for a place to live, just have to get a key and actually move in. Though most of the moving in will likely be done by my mother, as I’m leaving the 29th for a trip that I won’t get back from until likely the 15th, and then I fly out again on the 17th and won’t get back from THAT until the 20th. But she knows where some of my stuff is, and I’ve told her that what I care about having set up when I get back the most is an air conditioner in the bedroom
I’m kinda worried, actually, about my ability to be succesful in such a huge busy trip. I guess it will be a test of sorts. And thankfully, I’ll mostly be around people who will get it when I curl up under a blanket trying to avoid mental breakdown should it get close. (Though I do feel obligated to stop by my bio father’s, I refuse to stay there because then I can assure you I’d have a mental break down.)
The Trip is: Harrisburg, PA for some meetings; RI to stay with a friend until the 6th- Though we will be going to Canton, MA on June 2nd for a rally against the JRC; Stay with Aunt outside of NYC until next leg- though I might have a date for one of those nights; get to Harrisburg, PA early enough on the 10th to attend something in the late morning; go to philly on the 12th; start back on the 14th, and get back on the 15th. It’s going to be stressful, though an accomplishment.
I’ve joined foursquare. nicocoer as usual if you’d like to friend me there. I’ve noticed that it helps a little on the pushing to go out in public thing. And as hard as it is, I know that if I don’t then I have a history of going back into an agoraphobic episode if I’m not pushing myself to go out in public. But foursquare has incentives (The badges are just like boy scout badges you guys!) that give that extra push to at least show up somewhere, even if I decide that I have to leave right away. Without that incentive, Then it feels like wasted effort to even try going someplace if I’m going to have to turn right around and go back home/to the hotel because it’s a place I actually *can’t* deal with.
I also Joined health month, though I’m using it to work on my Daily living skills. Flossing teeth, drinking enough water, that sort of thing. I’m planning on adding a little more each month to my skills for that month and hopefully the tracking will help. My Profile there is, yet again, nicocoer.
Has anyone ever had a sensory overload that’s not so much about the typical like, there’s a lot of stuff going on around you, and it overloads, but more like, there’s too much you need to do with some task?
I’m not sure if I’m making any sense, so…My mom bought a new couch, that’s enormous and heavy. She needed my help in moving it into the house and I immediately started freaking out. Not like an anxiety attack. It felt a lot like a sensory overload, but it was more like the sensory stuff was having so much to do (lifting it, balancing the weight, making sure it didn’t hit the walls, making sure it stayed on the little wheeled thing, dealing with my mom’s shitty directions) and pay attention to that even though there wasn’t much going on, I still felt overloaded.
And then afterward I was completely mentally exhausted, and she clearly thought that it was a physical exhaustion thing. Which it wasn’t, not remotely. And she was clearly looking down on me for being exhausted from what she thought was no big deal.
All. the. time.
A) it’s a representation of an autistic person (I’m just gonna go ahead and call Abed autistic) with imagination! The idea that autistic people can’t imagine things irritates me so bad. In my experience, though I don’t know how prevalent, autistics often have a ridiculous amount of imagination.
B) The high pitched squeal Abed makes when he’s on the verge of meltdown / when something has been changed that fucks with his brain. I was like, OMG I DO THAT TOO!
C) When he says “there’s a lot of things I can’t do” in the voiceover near the end and you see his head surrounded by four images. I’m not sure what the papers are, but the others - tying shoelaces, reading analogue clocks, and calculating tips or splitting up meal payments - all of those are things I have a really hard time with too.
D) Aughdghdkfhs the locker scene. Helloooo my childhood. “It’s a place where people like me get put when everyone’s finally fed up with us.” And the running scenarios for all possible situations.
Maybe it’s filling out forms, the papers? I know that’s something I can’t do and actually need one on one support for to get through.
Yes! I got into the ASAN leadership seminar this summer! :)
Congrats!
Autistics, allies, disability advocates, and disability activists, State Representative Sanchez of Massachusetts has expressed approval of the Judge Rotenberg Center. He has brushed off attempts to question his support of the torture of children on American soil. We are invading his Facebook page tonight. Please participate. People with our labels are suffering on his watch. Innocent kids are shocked until their skin burns. He thinks this is a good idea. Show up. Be civil. Do not make threats. Post your own sentiments or links. Post late at night into the early morning hours. We want him to wake up to this. We want people to see it before his staff can take it down. Please signal boost this message. I hope to see you there.
I have a plan. I would like to enlist your participation. Earlier this week, I wrote that I was glad to see us in a position to set more significant goals. I have been toying with the idea of an anthology since I got here for these reasons:
- Skill Set: We have established that we can write. We have the ability to take on a project of this kind. It is something we could do well.
- Investment:We put such time and energy into what we do here. Most of us are motivated by the desire to share experiences, strategies, and solutions. We hope to give ideas that have benefited us to others and get good ideas from them. Done right, this could extend our reach. We might get greater results from effort expended.
- Morale:The Internet is great, but people want something to hold in their hands on bad days. Given our resources, the greatest gift we have for other autistic people is a chorus of supporting, understanding voices. If we put it on paper, it can be touched, held, carried places one’s laptop would never go, thrown in a backpack, thumbed through without wifi. Under an innocuous cover, stories of survival, dogged resilience, defiance, refusal to give up on ourselves could go into the worst environments. If we spread the word successfully, it can be carried into schools where kids are bullied, abusive situations, all the bad places we find ourselves.
- Security: The U.S. and E.U. are cracking down on the Internet. We* have fended them off so far. The Internet does nothing worse than stamina. The outcry over each new proposal is somewhat less than it was for the last. Sooner or later, people will get tired. Apathy will set in. They will win by attrition. I see nothing we have done that will inspire censorship yet. I cannot imagine it happening tomorrow or next year. However, I do not want to stake everything we have made on the chance that no one here will ever do anything ill-advised. We have created worthwhile content. We should not wager it against one person thinks maintaining connections with Anonymous is a good idea joining in. This community’s connection to fandoms could put some of the best blogs at risk under the kind of legislation various leaders are trying to pass. It is not likely to happen next month, but people are what we are. We make mistakes. The odds that nothing will ever happen are not as high as one might wish. There should be a failsafe, a backup of last resort, on the printed page.
My idea is simple: we take the best of what we have, some old, some new. I can edit along with anyone else who wants to help. Amazon’s self-publishing service will be the easiest way to do this. I doubt we could publish through a company, and they print books on demand. A small amount of royalties split however many ways would be meaningless. They would be impossible to split because not everyone will want to share a real name. Autistic people are disproportionately poor and unemployed. On demand publishing would allow for a price set at the cost of making one book. We could probably get it under five dollars. Anyone who could scrape together that and the cheapest shipping could have it. We would plug it everywhere. This seems like a doable chance to produce something worthwhile. Is anyone interested?
*By this, I mean all Internet people, not just the autistic community.
ERM. You do realize this is already happening right? Say Hi to the Loud Hands Project- the first project that the Loud Hands Project is doing is putting out an Anthology. Additionally, the further down the road projects would not limit it to Autistics that can type/write. It would be inclusive of Autistics who can’t type or write. so. yeah. Skill sets shouldn’t determine whose voices get heard when we are talking about disability justice, particularly for Autistics.
Critic of the Dawn by Cal Montgomery (2001) -
As I move through my life — a disabled person — two companions haunt me. They are imaginary, but in my dealings with other people, they are forceful. Sometimes other people cannot seem to sense me behind those phantoms. Sometimes I am forced into their masks, and falling out of character has consequences.
(Source: andromedalogic)
Listen to the Largest Minority Radio Show on WBAI for April 25th, 2012 CAPTIONED -
I had a friend break the audio down into 4 parts, and I put it to a background so that it could be in video format. Then, I captioned them all!
I’m interviewed in parts 2 and 3. It was pretty awesome. we talked a bit about representation and stuff, and in part 3 about the vigils, and particularly about the part of the vigils I was involved with- the virtual vigil. :)
Also, huge skill building here, As I called in and talked on the phone live. BIG DEAL YOU GUYS. I have phone anxiety to the point where I don’t do conference calls without having someone willing to relay what I type for me on the call. I get scared to call for pizza or a cab. But! I’ve decided that the skill I’m working on this year is those around my phone anxiety and doing this show is a big part of how I’m working on building those skills. Yes, that’s right, self-directed life-skills building- hard work, scary, but still self-directed and thus less of a chance to have it be coercive or abusive. /OT
part 4… erm. Well. It’s a mother being interviewed in the last part, and there is sadly some fail including promoting an Autism $peaks walk. But! the rest of the show was awesome, and on the bright side even if some of her content was fail, it’s great to see more working class Latina voices? I just hope that Her son ends up growing up awesome and adding his voice to our community… even if his mom just doesn’t get how f-cked up A$ is.
But otherwise, yes. CAPTIONED! Whoooo!
[video]
billierain replied to your post: thank you for the hugs billie hugs to you too I…
i *think* this was the one: castingwords.com, but i can’t remember what it cost!
thanks.
billierain replied to your post: thank you for the hugs billie hugs to you too I…
i know there is a transcription service that me and basil have used where you upload the audio file online… cool that you did an interview!!! aw spoons. they leave so fast!
<3
Actually could you or Basil send me an email about that? I know that the radio show in question wants to start having transcripts available but no one has the spoons to do it on a regular basis. I’m okay with doing videos but … ugh.