New Series: Sexual Inventory Checklists for Neurodivergent People

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

New Series: Sexual Inventory Checklists for Neurodivergent People

(by Devyn)

“Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist” at Scarleteen is a brilliant resource for anyone who is sexually active or considering sexual activity. The “Stocklist” is made up of several different lists of different sexual activities, situations, and boundaries that you might run into. For example, the “Body Boundaries” list includes items like “talking about a partner’s body” and “having my shirt/top off with a partner.” The purpose of the stocklist is for the reader to consider these situations beforehand, make a decision about what is a “yes” a “no” or a “maybe,” and communicate about this with their sexual partner(s).

What I love about these checklists is that nothing is assumed. When you start to have sex with someone, there are often already expectations in place that neither partner explicitly agreed to. These expectations often mask the need to establish genuine consent, and they can be particularly harmful to neurodivergent people. As an autistic person with several mental illnesses, I often find that partners automatically expect that they “get” to Stare Deeply and Meaningfully Into My Eyes during sex or that I find talking about my fantasies to be erotic and always possible. To help make communication about sex easier and to replace those predetermined expectations with more intimate knowledge, I think checklists like the one at Scarleteen can be very helpful.

Unfortunately, because neurodivergent people are so often invisible in discussions about sexuality, I find that Scarleteen’s checklist doesn’t include many situations and boundaries applicable to us, like stimming, nonverbal-ness or flashbacks. To put emphasis on neurodivergent experiences and start discussion about how neurodivergence can play out during sexual activity, I’m creating a supplement to The Sexual Inventory Stocklist. Like Scarleteen, I’m going to divide this supplement into different categories, which are tentatively going to be named: Personal Space Boundaries, Sensory Boundaries, Communication Boundaries, Privacy Boundaries, Semantic Boundaries, Emotional Boundaries, and Verbal Boundaries. Each category will be published separately as I complete it.

The original Stocklist encourages its users to make each item off with a “yes, no, maybe, I don’t know, fantasy, or N/A,” but in many cases, that might be too simplistic. Some items, you might just want to mark off with a “yes” or “no,” but others might need much more explanation about time, intensity, frequency, or other factors, and that’s okay. Other terms like “hard limit” or “requirement” might also be helpful.

You can reblog each checklist with your own responses, read them passively, or print them out and fill them in by hand. If you want to create additional items or expand one item into several, that’s cool too. For example, if one item under “sensory boundaries” is “playing music during sexual activity,” you might want to split that into “playing music without lyrics during sex” and “playing music with lyrics during sex.”

Finally, if you have suggestions for an item on any of the lists, you should also feel free to message or submit them to this tumblr, and I’ll include your entry with a credit to you. The more people who contribute items, the more inclusive the checklists will be.

I’m excited for this project! Hopefully it will be helpful for thinking and communicating about boundaries and desires.